Mind Blown

HELLOOOO EVERYBODY...

I just got back from watching Inception and i am totally mind f*cked. HOLY SHEKKI WTF DID I JUST WATCH!?!?! I don't wanna spoil ANYTHING, so I won't say anything...but please go watch it. I'm usually not really into movies, and I actually don't like going to the movie theaters all that much...so for me to be so pumped about a movie means something. THIS WAS A GOOD ONE. GENIUS!!!!

But anyway, yeah so I also just got back from the cruise on Sunday. It was a lot different from my other cruises, but it was still good. I spent a lot of time with my family, and I didn't go out and meet any new people. It sounds kinda lame but I really enjoyed it; it's gonna be a while before I have a week straight of just chilling with my family, so it was a good trip before I left for college.

AND HOLY CRAP I ATE SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH GOOD. I'm such a fat ass now LOL. But man, it was goooooooooooood food.

Hmm, what else.

Well, tomorrow I'm going to a "makeup meeting" for UVA first years in the NOVA area since the first one failed sooooooooo hard...We were basically ostracized by super fobby upper class man..so it was hard for the 4 first years that were there...-_-

This time is gonna be different though :D!! First I'm gonna meet John at centreville library, where he will be finishing up his tutoring session with some kid (our income...i mean his income for college spending). Then we're gonna meet everyone else when he finishes, and decide where to eat. After we're all fat and happy, we're then gonna go to an NRB place. A legit NRB place. I'M SO FREAKING EXCITED. I've been preparing for this day ever since I started learning how to read Korean in junior year. Actually, my original reason for learning how to read was just so I could sing a long to the songs I liked LOL...but as you all know it just grew from there. Then we're gonna go back to my house and John is just gonna crash there. Definitely a good day ahead of me tomorrow, so I am quite excited.

Hmm...well I suppose I should practice Korean, especially since it's been a while...even though my brain is like ajsdflakwjertwaey wtf:

안녕,

오마이갓...내 뇌가 너무나 아파 ㅜ^ㅜ;; 인셉션 봤어서 나 이렇게. 나 내 친구 Gigi와 같이 영화 봤어. 하.지.만. 데이트않았어. 진짜! 내 다른 친구 John한테 데이트인 거 같아 ㅡㅡ;; 바보같아. 이말이 유지하지만 John 잘못이야. 아이구ㅜㅜㅜ. 사실, Gigi 6th grade부터 내 친구됐어. 너무 오래 들어 우리 친구 됐어서 우리 애인아니다. 알았나? 그녀한테 나 lamppost처럼 거 겉아 ㅡㅡ...ㅋㅋㅋ.

오게이....나 긑났다. 바이바이!

Btw I failed so hard on this...T_T. I tried some new stuff that I don't know how to say D:...but I guess it's all a learning process. Anyhoo thanks for reading :D

until next time~

Holy Balls I am bored.

"Dang, two days in a row? Luigi must be really motivated to update these days!"
Sadly, I wish this was the case; however, I'm just seriously freaking bored. No one's really talking to me so..I'm just gonna ramble on here until I get distracted or until I get tired enough to ktfo or something.

So yeah, we drove to Florida today. After a 12ish hour drive, I'm finally here at my grandma's house to stay the night. Tomorrow morning, we will wake up and drive to the ship, and disappear for 7 days. I already had a long talk about that yesterday though, so no point in elaborating on that again.

This time though, the car ride wasn't too bad. It wasn't fun, but it actually seemed to go by a lot faster this time. I remember being a lot younger and making the trip here and wanting to die of boredom. Maybe it was cause I was ktfo for a good deal of the ride, but it was not as arduous as I remember.

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Before deciding to update again, I read through all of my old blog posts, just to see what I've been thinking for the past half-year. And although there was definitely not as much content as i had hoped there would be, it was still interesting to read the stuff and recapture all the feelings and events that I was feeling/going through at that time.
Btw that's something I really regret btw. I know there are no regrets in life blahblah w/e, but I really wish I had kept up with my blog more consistently. I was pretty good with it in the beginning, but after a while I stopped blogging entirely. I hope that I start to update more regularly again so I actually have something substantial to look through whenever I decide to again.


Augh...so I've basically stopped going to youth group entirely. I'm pretty upset about that. It's not so much me and my view towards God though; if anything that hasn't changed. It's really just something between me and my youth group itself. It's a selfish, immature, and stupid reason really -__-...but unfortunately it's something that I can't really do anything about now.

In short, I've been going to ECHO even before it was ECHO, when it was still just me and 5 other people in my pastor's new townhouse. I remember being so excited, so filled with passion and love when I went to those meetings. I remember the retreat when we were given the name ECHO, and how it was maybe just 30 students that went, if even. I remember all the different meeting spots we've had to go to, all the different church offices. I remember it all really, even since I started coming to Dulles Community Church in the middle of 8th grade.

You could say that I feel entitled to that feeling almost, that I feel like I own it. And for a while, these feelings didn't really get in the way of anything. I accepted that God's calling of other people who did not share this amazing connection was more important than any petty feeling of comfort that I had. So I accepted all of the changes. I went on with a positive outlook and, usually, it led to something good. I made connections with new people, grew stronger in my faith, and continued to serve and love the Lord.

I remember after Fall Retreat in junior year, how I came to ECHO every sunday. I never missed one meeting. But that summer, the summer before senior year, everything changed.

I walked in one day as all the new freshman "graduated" up to the high school service, and I remember feeling lost. Me, feeling lost, in my own youth group. Something that I feel like I almost raised. Something that had been a part of me, that had defined me, for so many years. And now, in a blink of an eye, it was totally and utterly foreign. A lot of the other seniors had stopped coming, or were coming more and more infrequently, and there were all these underclassmen that I had absolutely no relationship with. It seemed like I was outcasted from my own family...sorta like how an older sibling feels like when a new baby brother or sister is brought into the family.

Writing this, I know I sound unbearably selfish and hypocritical. ECHO, my realtionship with God, none of this is supposed to be about me really. It's, ultimately, supposed to be about how I can impact others in a real, genuine, and life-giving way. If I felt outcasted, I should have extended the effort to connect. I'm the elder accepting in the new students; I should be descipiling, not deserting. Why was I too selfish and immature to understand that then? It took a wise and random conversation at 4:00 AM with a GMU upperclassman on a drive home from Annandale for me to realize all this. Sure I can complain about how this all changed, but really, really, in the end, I missed the entire point of everything that I had claimed to "own" for four years. How pathetic.

Now, realizing this too late, I'm stuck thinking that it's too late to go back now and do anything worthwhile, so I have to just sit here with this awkward tension, knowing that people are wondering about me as I wonder about ECHO. How is my youth pastor doing really? How are all the freshman doing that I completely missed out on for a whole year?

Justin, if you ever stumble across this, I am truly, and unforgettably sorry for this terrible mistake. I hope I can say this to you in person some day, but for now, this is all I can do. In such a dumb state I can't face the person who had so much faith and who spent so much time leading me, only for me to throw it away at the very instant I was really uncomfortable.

There is good news though. I can start over in college. I will find a new community like this on campus. I will plug in. And I will not just absorb, I will give back. I will lead. I will not back down when faced with discomfort. I will embrace change and mold myself in betterment with it. Though I will come in as a new kid again, I will find a way to spread the most precious effort I have been given by my youth group, and not just sit waiting for something to happen. This is my promise, and through this I hope I can make up for this "lost year". Only good can lie waiting for me. So Lord, please guide me through this; help me to find a new church family, and help me to find a way to spread what I've been so undeservingly given.

다른 어프데잇입니다!

Okay, so as the title should indicate, a lot of my entry today will be focused on my progress with Korean. But before I delve into that...some minor updates--

So..I'm leaving for a cruise at 5 am tomorrow morning. We'll start driving down to Florida, crash at my grandma's house for the night, and then board the ship Sunday morning. Mmmmm...I have some mixed feelings about this cruise though. Cruises have sort of become something of a tradition with my family; we generally go on a cruise once a year as a family--our main vacation of the year. We always have fun as a family, but we all end up wanting to do different things. That's only natural though. My parents wanna relax and read or sunbathe or w/e, do their own old people stuff. My sister's usually too anti social to do anything really...so then there's just me trying to find my way around the boat. In years prior I've always found a group of friends to hang out with, and due to the surroundings and the week of near-paradise, all of us end up getting pretty close. But, I've noticed that as the years go by, it gets harder and harder to meet those friends each time. This, being my last cruise as a "kid", will most likely be relatively difficult. I'm usually okay meeting people and doing well in groups and stuff, but it's kinda hard to form a group when people already bring like 6 of their friends with them...so no one's really looking for a lonely friend like me D:

Ahh well, I really shouldn't complain; every time I feel like I'm talking to my friends about how lame this might be I feel like shit, cause at the end of the day, I'm complaining about going on a cruise -_________________-. How spoiled yo.

But yeah, that's it for the immediate future updates wise. I'll miss my friends...and you guys better miss me too D:. Leave me comments on my fb like you actually care...LOL.

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OOOkkkaaayyy...so for the non-korean readers it kinda ends here. You can still read along if you want, though :P.

Hmm...so one time when I was practicing my korean, I decided to write a paragraph about a topic, and had my friend and eventually his mom go over it and make corrections. I'm gonna do something like that again: just write about w/e for a paragraph. So...HERE'GOES!

안녕하세요,

오늘 크루즈 위해 챙겼어. 곧 내 나머지 옷 마려해야 되고 챙기겠어. 다음엔 난 아마 그냥 안심하겠어. 왜 모르지만 나 진짜 피곤하는데...나 아파 거 같아 ㅡㅡ;; 아이구 ㅠ_ㅠ... 그루즈 하겠어서 나뻐 :(. 나 잘되겠기 바래. 그리고 내 친구와 나 운동했어서 나 너무 아파 ㅋㅋ. 지금 내 팔죽지와 어깨와 등 아파 ㅡㅡㅗ. 하지만 난 이거 좋은 알아! 곧 나 강해 받게돼!

흠....그럼, 지금 많이 말하기 남지 않아. 프렉티스하는게 좋다고 알지만 뭘 말하기 대해서 안 생각해 >:[. 다음엔 더 많은 것들 대해서 생각하겠어봐!

읽어서 감사합니다 ~~ !

Hellooooo?

Okay wow....writing on this site brings back memories haha. But I figured since:

1) Choi always tells me that I never write on this anymore D:

and 2) I've started up using Facebook again

That maybe it's time I restart this account. Call it boredom, call it a need to just write some stuff, but whatever it is, I'm back. [not that this matters to anyone but like 2..3..people LOL]

Sigh...well damn, a lot has happened since I went on my little hiatus. So a quick laundry list shall suffice for now and I'll just elaborate on the things I think need elaboration:

1) I GOT INTO UVA. :D:D:D:D I'm seriously excited for that. Although I really am disappointed that I won't be attending Mason with some faggots, I believe UVA, in the end, is the place I'm supposed to be. Finding out that I was going there, knowing that I'm gonna be rooming with my friend Bisu, and realizing that some of my close friends from high school are going there too made it seem like my college future was just falling into place [shiet... this was supposed to be just a list...but I elaborated anyway LOL. my bad]

2) I just graduated today.. wooohooo...

3) I'm about to go on an intense work out plan..hopefully..

4) I'm slowly advancing in sc [lame..]

ehh...Okay so my life since my break from Blogger really hasn't been all that eventful on paper, but honestly it seems like a lot has happened.

I remember writing on this thing and being stressed about college/applications/AP Stats/and all that high school business. So now, this is my first time writing on this and being able to take a breath. I'm a high school graduate. I'm going to college in 2 months. It's beautiful, isn't it?

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Like my little reference above though, I really do have some mixed feels about the whole college thing though. I guess this homecoming entry is really gonna turn into just a jumbled ramble about my thoughts on college, but bear with me if you can lol.

First, I'd like to say again that I'm rooming with one of my closest friends, Bisu Lee (John). I know there's the whole thing where you're not supposed to room with your best friends or whatever, and I guess that applies mainly to girls, but I dunno..I think I could see how that can be a problem. In so many ways me and John are really alike--it's almost scary sometimes LOL. It's really weird how I met this kid online through another friend, and we instantlyclicked. Before I knew it I met him and all three of us had 7 hour talk about life..until he ktfo'd on one of the beds, still clutching his glasses until the very end (LOOOL). And now, we're both going to college together to be roommates. But, I guess I can see where points of conflict could arise. I've never really lived with anyone other than my parents before; there have been times over summers and stuff where people might as well have just lived at my house, but I still think college dorming will be different. In most of the ways though, rooming with John will be very..hmm...what's the right word....I guess like, assuring? First of all, I'm not going to have to worry about having the weird ass roommate that I'll know nothing about and will have to quickly get to know lest there be any awkward tension in the room. I'm pretty sure having a bad experience with your roommate(s) can lead to a bad start to college in general. I know most of his habits, bad and good, so not much should be a surprise. I'm also looking forward to going to whatever church group we find there; sharing the same faith with him and knowing that we're both really involved in things back at home makes me excited to join a youth ministry on campus. In the end though, if my roommate at UVA would be anyone, I'm glad it's John.

What else...well, there's a lot of other cool people that I know who are going to UVA. Most of the people going from my school are people that I've known since like elementary school, and I'm pretty tight with all of them. I'm not really expecting to be super tight-knit with all of them once we get to college, but being able to see some familiar faces and hopefully keeping those friendships with at least some of them is another bonus to attending such an awesome school.

I guess there is the bad in every situation though (that's a really pessimistic way to look at things, and very usual for me, but I guess reality is setting in). I guess in most ways I'm completely and fully excited to be leaving high school behind. Leaving the school is great. But I'm not so sure about the people. Sure, there are shits and faggots that I'm glad I don't have to deal with, but in the end these are people that I've gone to school with, some for only a year, some since kindergarten. It's sort of sad to be leaving most of them behind as we go out separate ways to college.

But then, there are those few people that everyone has that will truly be missed. It's not just a little yearbook message like "It was fun in high school. It's sad we're all leaving but keep in touch!!"...but more the people who you'd be like "You've made such a huge impact on my life, thank you and I'm really going to miss you." Some people have only a few of those, and some have more than a few (I'm more like the former), but either way, it's gonna be really hard leaving these people behind.

With the time leading up to graduation, especially beginning after the idea of college had finally set in, I've had talks with various college people about life after high school. I asked them what it's like to leave those people behind, and what happens to your relationships with them. Some told me they never speak to their friends from high school at all. Some told me "it just depends on the friendship." And some have told me that, while they've made some of the best friends of their lives in college, those people in high school are still just as important.

I honestly hope that it's not the first; I'd be content with the second; but I pray that it's the third. If it's depending on the people themselves, then there are some I'm not really worried about at all, and others that I feel would more fall out of contact. It's just so depressing, really, that someone that I've walked through high school, through all the shit, and through all the awesome times, through study groups after school, through lazy summer days, through everything, how some of them won't be there one afternoon to say "let's chill". And knowing me, I'm being an over-thinking worrywart; I know myself well enough to be quite aware of this trait. Maybe this really isn't something to expend so much energy thinking over, maybe it's something I have no real control over, but whatever it is, it's something that replays in my mind.

I guess there is no conclusion to this--yet. What happens will happen, whether it's how I imagine it now, or how I want it to be, or whatever. To those whom I will meet and whom I share my life with, I'm excited to meet. To those whom I retain my bond with, you don't know how glad I will be. But to everyone else, I'm really going to miss you.

You know, I have never really had to move schools. Our district was always growing while I was growing up, so I moved elementary schools like twice, but the same kids moved with me, and we all reunited in middle school anyway, so honestly, nothing major has changed for me. I know people who had moved after 8th grade and started completely alone in high school, I know people who had moved right after Junior year and started fresh as a senior. I know people who have moved from freaking foreign countries and were thrown into the American school system to either sink or swim. But me, well, I've always been here. This is my first real exposure to change, and I'm not sure how to take it. In the end though, there are those who will stay by my side, and those who will walk by it in the future, so I guess, in the grand scheme of things, there's nothing too major to worry about.

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Well, that definitely went on a lot longer than I thought LOL. Ah well, if you read all the way through it thank you, if not...well...sorry it was boring? hahahaha. It's just my outloud rant anyway.

Anyhoo, I'm probably gonna either sc or sleep soon. As for tomorrow, who knows what--maybe starting that major work out routine?

--Until next time

jaawshh

Learning

It kind of feels like I'm going backwards lately. Maybe it's just because I've been so conflict-less lately that I just forget how to act, or maybe I wasn't as grown up as I thought.

This post is starting off very negatively; don't worry, it won't be emo whining. I'm actually thankful for the past recent events. It's knocking me down in the best way; it's allowing me to see what I still need to work on, to realize that there's still a lot of growing for all of us. I forget that I'm just a senior in high school, that I'm almost 18, but that I'm only just 18.

I think the biggest mark of maturity is knowing when you're wrong. And with being wrong should come apology, right? You can admit all you want to yourself that you did something wrong. But how can you amend what you did in private? I know that I have apologized for some of these things, but I do want to just put out a blanket apology again. This is not something to make myself look good or to be something to brag about. I don't care who reads this, I don't really think anyone even does. This is for me and myself; since this is my freaking blog, I think it's appropriate. If you're gonna take this the wrong way then just ex-out now, thanks.

To you: I'm sorry that I dragged this out for longer than it should have. We definitely talked this out enough, so I don't want to go on anymore than I have. But I'm glad that this worked out in the end.

To you: I'm sorry for getting pissed. I know that you felt bad for what happened, but even knowing that, I was still angry for a while. It was only until I actually got your call that I realized all this crap is dumb and that, even though you didn't think so, I thought you were in a pretty scary situation. I realized that you being okay and safe was more important than me feeling sorry for myself and ignoring the logic of the situation just to have a reason to get mad. Getting bothered with you is probably the worst feeling since you really are one of my closest friends and a brother; I know you say that nothing ever changes and will never with us, but it still bothers me knowing that I'm doing something that in theory could change it. Thank you for having more confidence than I ever can, and still accepting me for that.

To you: I never should have said that. I apologized to you already but it felt sort of rushed. Not that I was rushing, but that the moment was over faster than it took me to write those words. Maybe it wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it was, but knowing that you heard those words that I typed in rage still makes me feel horribly. I do not think of you like that. I really don't. You're someone that I respect a lot, and even though there's room for us to grow in friendship, it makes me excited that there still is that room. Hopes and cheers to the future, right?

Well, enough for the mushy stuff. I don't know if any of that makes sense, but each of you should know to whom I am referring. Even if its scrambled thoughts, the meaning should still carry through.


Oh and...

To YouHo: I'm so sorry for excluding you in this. Because of this crazy event, we were almost not friends. I wanted to kill you, seriously. But coming out of it, I realized one thing.....and that is I'm making all of this up. LOL. But it's okay. Rooming together will surely induce conflict, and I can write about it forever later. KEKEKE IM SO EXCITED (again rain voice). "그다음에 UVA에서 같이 한방에서 잘때 사랑해줄께"

ㄴㅇㅇㅇㅇㅇㅇㄴ
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YEAAAAAAAAH okay. Maybe I'll be a little bi polar and continue with some more light hearted commentary.

Well, my aunt came over today, and we spent the afternoon with her. It was pretty fun actually; we went to Chipotle and then starbucks, her treat. Pretty awesome right? Then we had larosaghetti for dinner..SAHWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.

Btw, credits to Choi for the new layout. So good and creative with these layouts. I, and I'm sure everyone else, am very thankful for the time you put into them. 너무 감사합니다!!

Speaking of Korean, I got five practice books from my friend in school last week. Omg....I will be practicing for ever KEKEKEKE. *Rain* I'm so excited. LOL.

Blehh well I have some duties to attend to. CALCULUS TUTOR GOGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(jk its not a duty I do it cause I want to, so don't take it the wrong way you shiets).

Ican'tthinkofatitle

SOOOO..







I missed my usual Guidance Aid Update, and I apologize (it's too laaaaate (8) ). But we were sorta kicked out of our usual dwelling, in which the computers reside. The people who are t00 sl0w to finish their SOLs in time got sent there instead. But ah well, I got some AP STATs done in the meantime (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh). Btw, have I ever said how much I hate AP Stats on here? Cause I really do. It's probably the second most hated class for me, narowlly beaten out by AP Lang. I swear these classes will be the death of me before I even get to graduate.



So hmmm, today was pretty fun. I went to school like usual, but the effed up schedules put us in 2 hours of first block. Now that probably doesn't sound that great, but that meant 2 hours of AP Latin, which I actually happen to really enjoy. If not by now, you will probably start to notice that I kinda get nerdy about langauges...iono I just really have a passion for attempting to understand them (what a huge turnoff LOL). But yeah it was fun. Our class is pretty cool, and my teacher, Mrs. Kliper, is probably the best teacher I've ever had (thank you for the college recs ^^!!!). We talked about how there are mythological themes in modern day culture....weird right? I'll spare you the details, even though I find them sickeningly fascinating (Holy shit I can't believe I'm writing this LOLOL), but essentially we connected themes from Vergil's Aeneid to Batman. Yup..


Oh what else. Well in PEER, we did puppets today (kekekeke). I'm pretty good at puppets, surprisingly enough. Seriously, we are creating scripts about all this cute stuff like friendship and whatnot, so we can do puppet shows for the elementary school kids across the street. When we're done with that though, we do improve style puppeteering. LOOOOOOL. I swear we have some of the funniest people in our class. I'm just freaking weird, and there are some people who I swear have an intelligence and wit that is God-given and hysterical. I wanna piss my pants every time we do this LOL. I don't wanna tell any stories about it because it will just make the whole thing look ridiculous and not funny, but take my word for it. Just imagine a crab with a French accent (You just said you wouldn't talk about it and you really are ruining it...).



Hmmm, so yeah then the next period I had...AP Stats. EXCEPT THERE WAS A SUB. YESSS. Not just any sub though; it was Mrs. Dennington. She really doesn't care what you do and is notorious for being one of the most desired subs in the school. She let's you listen to your iPod and everything, SO COOL. So yeah that class was pretty chill.


Then I went home with that chigger shit. I don't think I need to list any names LOOL. We went to the gym YAAAHH!! It was pretty good though, I think I'm improving. I was on a roll though, when the most ridiculous thing happened...







Some freaking blonde short ass 4 foot 2 punk walks into the gym with his MOM. Well normally this wouldn't be a problem; it might be a little awkward, but not really a problem. Except...the gym's equiptment is those kinds where all the workouts are sort of combined into just like two machines. So the benching and the curling machine are located on the same unit. Well I just finished a set, and I just adjusted the weight. Then, this kid just slams the door open and sits down to do bench press. THIS FREAKING MIDGET JUST GOES AND TAKES THE DAMN MACHINE. AND HIS MOM WATCHES @Q!^!$&!@#$@#$*&@. WTF.


But I'm too nice (and secretly lazy) to say anything, so I just walk out. God...the only thing that pisses me off more than rude kids is rude parents. So freaking bm. OomPaLoompA[bm].



This is not the worst of it though....more gg is to come.





So we're walking home, and it had just recently rained right? Well, we come to a HUGE wet spot. Jay and I were obviously too lazy to go out of our way and walk alllll the way around it, so we decided to jump over.


Remember how there is a white limitation for playing sc? Well...idk if you know...but there's one for jumping too.


Jay's black, so his shoes grow wings (so fresh..LOLOL jk), and he glides across. Then it's my turn. I yell:





"OMG LOLOL I THINK MY SHOES GONNA FALL OFF."





Jay just gave me this look like *lolol u shit juss jump over iss not that far*.


Well...I jump, and my fooot goes SQUISHHHHHHHHHHHSPLAT into the mud. The shoe's momentum quickly and clearly halted, while my body continues to accelerate forward...



Yeah....my foot slipped right out, leaving my shoe cemeted clearly into the mud.

Yeah, it was epik fail. Holay shiet. It was freakin hilarious though hahahaha. I'm pretty sure this will be a much harsher account of this story on that chigger's blog though.

Ahhhh what else. Oh yeah, well yesterday was pretty interesting. My friend Juho and I just randomly broke out into AIM Korean conversation. It was pretty funny/cool/motivational/yeah. It was funny cause I was actually talking, and understanding like 99% of the stuff he said. It was cool for the same reasons...I was conversing in another language O_O. And it was motivational because, even though I know there is a lot left that I need to learn, I really am getting better. I hope that by this summer I'll be a lot more capable of the langauge!! 화이팅!

Anyhooo, that's about it. Not much else has been going on. I just finished eating some olive garden that my mom brought home though, mmmmmm. But yeah, that's it for now. laterssss.

jaawshh

It's been a while

Gahhh I haven't updated in quite a while. Not like I'm apologizing to many people though because there are only a few of you who are dedicated or bored enough to read this LOL. But anyway, I feel like it's about time I add something new here (And also I'm just really bored in guidance...).

Hmm, well as for updates, there's not that much going on. I'm still hating on school. I hate being here, really. The only bearable days are B days, but that's because half of my classes aren't really classes. A days suck so hard. Three APs in a row, then physics. FML. But ah well, at least the year is more than half way over. I suppose that's the bright side to everything.

But enough of the whining (for now.).

Church was rather interesting this Sunday. I sorta like to think that God reads my blog too, cause it seemed like we were having a long-distance conversation. In my most recent post, I basically left off saying that, whatever I do, I'm gonna do it with purpose. My issue though was not really knowing what that "thing" is. Kinda like a "what is my purpose" sort of deal, though on a slightly lesser scale.

Anyhoo, at church Pastor Brad basically explained to me what I need to do. The weird thing is that it wasn't a conversation between him and I, but it was just a sermon; just a normal day at church. I've had experiences like this before, when it really seemed like some issue I was dealing with or whatever was being put up on stage, but the fact that I actually blogged about it and then saw some kind of response is pretty cool.

In short, the message basically said "we're asking the wrong kinds of questions." At least for me, I'm always wondering "What am I supposed to do?" or maybe "What is God's plan for me?" Normal questions right? Like everyone seems to want to have this greater purpose. No one wants to just coast through life and then look back at it and see every single day wasted; each second as lifeless. It's seemingly logical to think that this is just a part of the human condition--that people, whether it be in a religious context or not, desire some sort of meaning.

But I saw that these aren't really the right kinds of things to ask. Rather than saying, "God, what is your plan for me?" I should ask, "God, what is your plan for this world, and how can I be a part of it?" Basically, the mindset of the first question supposes that God is only about me; that only my relationship with him matters. And it does, but it's not the only thing that He's concerned with. There are billions of people in the world, each with their own lives, problems, and struggles. Who am I to behave like I am the only one?

The second question is more aligned with God. My focus shouldn't be on, "What's God's purpose for me?" but rather, "How can I help?" We all are a part of some cosmic plan, no doubt. If we are all weaved into this plan for the universe, then shouldn't my place it in be the same as yours? Why do I need my own singular "plan", when there is something greater already waiting for me to jump in? If I can perceive God's work around me, then my purpose should be to further advance it.

Now, I have a lot more answers, but still some lingering questions. I know what I should be asking now. I just need to realize God's work in the place around me. But with the right questions, you will always find your answer.


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Yeah so sorry for the serious blogs lately. I guess this just reflects my contemplative mood. That, and there really hasn't been that much to say. But hopefully I get some more light-hearted stuff up here soon. But until then, gewd byeeeeee.

jaawshh