Learning

It kind of feels like I'm going backwards lately. Maybe it's just because I've been so conflict-less lately that I just forget how to act, or maybe I wasn't as grown up as I thought.

This post is starting off very negatively; don't worry, it won't be emo whining. I'm actually thankful for the past recent events. It's knocking me down in the best way; it's allowing me to see what I still need to work on, to realize that there's still a lot of growing for all of us. I forget that I'm just a senior in high school, that I'm almost 18, but that I'm only just 18.

I think the biggest mark of maturity is knowing when you're wrong. And with being wrong should come apology, right? You can admit all you want to yourself that you did something wrong. But how can you amend what you did in private? I know that I have apologized for some of these things, but I do want to just put out a blanket apology again. This is not something to make myself look good or to be something to brag about. I don't care who reads this, I don't really think anyone even does. This is for me and myself; since this is my freaking blog, I think it's appropriate. If you're gonna take this the wrong way then just ex-out now, thanks.

To you: I'm sorry that I dragged this out for longer than it should have. We definitely talked this out enough, so I don't want to go on anymore than I have. But I'm glad that this worked out in the end.

To you: I'm sorry for getting pissed. I know that you felt bad for what happened, but even knowing that, I was still angry for a while. It was only until I actually got your call that I realized all this crap is dumb and that, even though you didn't think so, I thought you were in a pretty scary situation. I realized that you being okay and safe was more important than me feeling sorry for myself and ignoring the logic of the situation just to have a reason to get mad. Getting bothered with you is probably the worst feeling since you really are one of my closest friends and a brother; I know you say that nothing ever changes and will never with us, but it still bothers me knowing that I'm doing something that in theory could change it. Thank you for having more confidence than I ever can, and still accepting me for that.

To you: I never should have said that. I apologized to you already but it felt sort of rushed. Not that I was rushing, but that the moment was over faster than it took me to write those words. Maybe it wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it was, but knowing that you heard those words that I typed in rage still makes me feel horribly. I do not think of you like that. I really don't. You're someone that I respect a lot, and even though there's room for us to grow in friendship, it makes me excited that there still is that room. Hopes and cheers to the future, right?

Well, enough for the mushy stuff. I don't know if any of that makes sense, but each of you should know to whom I am referring. Even if its scrambled thoughts, the meaning should still carry through.


Oh and...

To YouHo: I'm so sorry for excluding you in this. Because of this crazy event, we were almost not friends. I wanted to kill you, seriously. But coming out of it, I realized one thing.....and that is I'm making all of this up. LOL. But it's okay. Rooming together will surely induce conflict, and I can write about it forever later. KEKEKE IM SO EXCITED (again rain voice). "그다음에 UVA에서 같이 한방에서 잘때 사랑해줄께"

ㄴㅇㅇㅇㅇㅇㅇㄴ
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YEAAAAAAAAH okay. Maybe I'll be a little bi polar and continue with some more light hearted commentary.

Well, my aunt came over today, and we spent the afternoon with her. It was pretty fun actually; we went to Chipotle and then starbucks, her treat. Pretty awesome right? Then we had larosaghetti for dinner..SAHWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.

Btw, credits to Choi for the new layout. So good and creative with these layouts. I, and I'm sure everyone else, am very thankful for the time you put into them. 너무 감사합니다!!

Speaking of Korean, I got five practice books from my friend in school last week. Omg....I will be practicing for ever KEKEKEKE. *Rain* I'm so excited. LOL.

Blehh well I have some duties to attend to. CALCULUS TUTOR GOGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(jk its not a duty I do it cause I want to, so don't take it the wrong way you shiets).