No More Mirages.

I think it's pretty funny how forgetful people are.



I think it's pretty funny how forgetful people are.


I think it's pretty funny how forgetful I am.



When I heard stories from the Old Testament when the Jews forgot about God in the desert, I never really felt connected to it. It always seemed far from me, that it didn't apply.


I mean, if God parted the Red Sea, and delivered my entire people from slavery, I thought there was no way I could have forgotten him. Sure 40 years in a desert would have been really, really, really testing, but if I SAW God's work right in front of me, I just couldn't see myself ignoring what God did for me. Wishing to go back into the evil, no matter how much more comfortable it seemed. Wanting to just quit. How much better was I than those Jews.


I always remembered thinking these things. They were so lucky. God was doing all of these miracles right in front of them. If only they had not taken things for granted, then their situation would have been so much better off. IF I were to witness these things, there's no way I could waver from God.

I was wrong.

So wrong.



When I think back through my walk with God, I see the various works He's done. I remember the tiny moments of gratitude when a small prayer was answered. I remember him saying, "I'm here." I remember the few times when I actually tried to have communicative prayer with God, and when he answered back. I remember how freaking blessed I felt at Servant's. I remembered what God was saying to me then, only 2 weeks ago. Or, wait, was it actually 40 years?


All of these ideas began to race around in my mind last night. I was praying to God with some pathetic introduction like, "I know that I haven't been really keeping up with what I said I was going to do after Servant's....I really wanted things to change...don't let me lose sight of you yet." And in the midst of that prayer, my roommate Bisu lifted himself up from bed. He was in a dilemma. God had just spoken to him and he wasn't sure if he should listen. Now, what he did or what he was challenged with is besides the point. What matters now is that, in my own weak prayer, God was working right next to me. God is always working. He's always present. There is never a time when God does not care, see, feel. It is I who falters. Only days ago after Servant's was I saying to God how things were going to change, but how quickly did that progress recede. And in that moment of prayer, He was speaking to John.

What was my reasoning for this apathy? Thanksgiving break was so hectic. It's almost finals. My schedule this first year doesn't leave that much room for QT. The list can go on. And while I'm trying to justify this to God, while I'm trying to excuse myself momentarily from "taking a break", God is doing works in the same room. God is doing works everywhere. All the time. So, really, what's my excuse?


God has parted my Red Sea. He has delivered my from my slavery. But damnit, it is so easy to go back. From a distance, how much more comfortable does it seem.

But I have been given life, why would I want to go back? Rather than focusing on my faults, (though they are present) I have to take this as an exhortation from God.

Don't waver in the craziness.
Slow down for me.

Because if I truly seek relationship with God, He will respond 100 times more.

We learn from History, right? I am no better than when Moses' people wandered in the desert. Rather than cursing them, I can relate to them. But I won't make those same mistakes. I've wandered in my own desert for too long. It's time to make my way out. No more mirages. I will find my real oasis in God.