It kind of feels like I'm going backwards lately. Maybe it's just because I've been so conflict-less lately that I just forget how to act, or maybe I wasn't as grown up as I thought.
This post is starting off very negatively; don't worry, it won't be emo whining. I'm actually thankful for the past recent events. It's knocking me down in the best way; it's allowing me to see what I still need to work on, to realize that there's still a lot of growing for all of us. I forget that I'm just a senior in high school, that I'm almost 18, but that I'm only just 18.
I think the biggest mark of maturity is knowing when you're wrong. And with being wrong should come apology, right? You can admit all you want to yourself that you did something wrong. But how can you amend what you did in private? I know that I have apologized for some of these things, but I do want to just put out a blanket apology again. This is not something to make myself look good or to be something to brag about. I don't care who reads this, I don't really think anyone even does. This is for me and myself; since this is my freaking blog, I think it's appropriate. If you're gonna take this the wrong way then just ex-out now, thanks.
To you: I'm sorry that I dragged this out for longer than it should have. We definitely talked this out enough, so I don't want to go on anymore than I have. But I'm glad that this worked out in the end.
To you: I'm sorry for getting pissed. I know that you felt bad for what happened, but even knowing that, I was still angry for a while. It was only until I actually got your call that I realized all this crap is dumb and that, even though you didn't think so, I thought you were in a pretty scary situation. I realized that you being okay and safe was more important than me feeling sorry for myself and ignoring the logic of the situation just to have a reason to get mad. Getting bothered with you is probably the worst feeling since you really are one of my closest friends and a brother; I know you say that nothing ever changes and will never with us, but it still bothers me knowing that I'm doing something that in theory could change it. Thank you for having more confidence than I ever can, and still accepting me for that.
To you: I never should have said that. I apologized to you already but it felt sort of rushed. Not that I was rushing, but that the moment was over faster than it took me to write those words. Maybe it wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it was, but knowing that you heard those words that I typed in rage still makes me feel horribly. I do not think of you like that. I really don't. You're someone that I respect a lot, and even though there's room for us to grow in friendship, it makes me excited that there still is that room. Hopes and cheers to the future, right?
Well, enough for the mushy stuff. I don't know if any of that makes sense, but each of you should know to whom I am referring. Even if its scrambled thoughts, the meaning should still carry through.
Oh and...
To YouHo: I'm so sorry for excluding you in this. Because of this crazy event, we were almost not friends. I wanted to kill you, seriously. But coming out of it, I realized one thing.....and that is I'm making all of this up. LOL. But it's okay. Rooming together will surely induce conflict, and I can write about it forever later. KEKEKE IM SO EXCITED (again rain voice). "그다음에 UVA에서 같이 한방에서 잘때 사랑해줄께"
ㄴㅇㅇㅇㅇㅇㅇㄴ
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YEAAAAAAAAH okay. Maybe I'll be a little bi polar and continue with some more light hearted commentary.
Well, my aunt came over today, and we spent the afternoon with her. It was pretty fun actually; we went to Chipotle and then starbucks, her treat. Pretty awesome right? Then we had larosaghetti for dinner..SAHWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.
Btw, credits to Choi for the new layout. So good and creative with these layouts. I, and I'm sure everyone else, am very thankful for the time you put into them. 너무 감사합니다!!
Speaking of Korean, I got five practice books from my friend in school last week. Omg....I will be practicing for ever KEKEKEKE. *Rain* I'm so excited. LOL.
Blehh well I have some duties to attend to. CALCULUS TUTOR GOGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(jk its not a duty I do it cause I want to, so don't take it the wrong way you shiets).
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Ican'tthinkofatitle
SOOOO..
I missed my usual Guidance Aid Update, and I apologize (it's too laaaaate (8) ). But we were sorta kicked out of our usual dwelling, in which the computers reside. The people who are t00 sl0w to finish their SOLs in time got sent there instead. But ah well, I got some AP STATs done in the meantime (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh). Btw, have I ever said how much I hate AP Stats on here? Cause I really do. It's probably the second most hated class for me, narowlly beaten out by AP Lang. I swear these classes will be the death of me before I even get to graduate.
So hmmm, today was pretty fun. I went to school like usual, but the effed up schedules put us in 2 hours of first block. Now that probably doesn't sound that great, but that meant 2 hours of AP Latin, which I actually happen to really enjoy. If not by now, you will probably start to notice that I kinda get nerdy about langauges...iono I just really have a passion for attempting to understand them (what a huge turnoff LOL). But yeah it was fun. Our class is pretty cool, and my teacher, Mrs. Kliper, is probably the best teacher I've ever had (thank you for the college recs ^^!!!). We talked about how there are mythological themes in modern day culture....weird right? I'll spare you the details, even though I find them sickeningly fascinating (Holy shit I can't believe I'm writing this LOLOL), but essentially we connected themes from Vergil's Aeneid to Batman. Yup..
Oh what else. Well in PEER, we did puppets today (kekekeke). I'm pretty good at puppets, surprisingly enough. Seriously, we are creating scripts about all this cute stuff like friendship and whatnot, so we can do puppet shows for the elementary school kids across the street. When we're done with that though, we do improve style puppeteering. LOOOOOOL. I swear we have some of the funniest people in our class. I'm just freaking weird, and there are some people who I swear have an intelligence and wit that is God-given and hysterical. I wanna piss my pants every time we do this LOL. I don't wanna tell any stories about it because it will just make the whole thing look ridiculous and not funny, but take my word for it. Just imagine a crab with a French accent (You just said you wouldn't talk about it and you really are ruining it...).
Hmmm, so yeah then the next period I had...AP Stats. EXCEPT THERE WAS A SUB. YESSS. Not just any sub though; it was Mrs. Dennington. She really doesn't care what you do and is notorious for being one of the most desired subs in the school. She let's you listen to your iPod and everything, SO COOL. So yeah that class was pretty chill.
Then I went home with that chigger shit. I don't think I need to list any names LOOL. We went to the gym YAAAHH!! It was pretty good though, I think I'm improving. I was on a roll though, when the most ridiculous thing happened...
Some freaking blonde short ass 4 foot 2 punk walks into the gym with his MOM. Well normally this wouldn't be a problem; it might be a little awkward, but not really a problem. Except...the gym's equiptment is those kinds where all the workouts are sort of combined into just like two machines. So the benching and the curling machine are located on the same unit. Well I just finished a set, and I just adjusted the weight. Then, this kid just slams the door open and sits down to do bench press. THIS FREAKING MIDGET JUST GOES AND TAKES THE DAMN MACHINE. AND HIS MOM WATCHES @Q!^!$&!@#$@#$*&@. WTF.
But I'm too nice (and secretly lazy) to say anything, so I just walk out. God...the only thing that pisses me off more than rude kids is rude parents. So freaking bm. OomPaLoompA[bm].
This is not the worst of it though....more gg is to come.
So we're walking home, and it had just recently rained right? Well, we come to a HUGE wet spot. Jay and I were obviously too lazy to go out of our way and walk alllll the way around it, so we decided to jump over.
Remember how there is a white limitation for playing sc? Well...idk if you know...but there's one for jumping too.
Jay's black, so his shoes grow wings (so fresh..LOLOL jk), and he glides across. Then it's my turn. I yell:
"OMG LOLOL I THINK MY SHOES GONNA FALL OFF."
Jay just gave me this look like *lolol u shit juss jump over iss not that far*.
Well...I jump, and my fooot goes SQUISHHHHHHHHHHHSPLAT into the mud. The shoe's momentum quickly and clearly halted, while my body continues to accelerate forward...
Yeah....my foot slipped right out, leaving my shoe cemeted clearly into the mud.
I missed my usual Guidance Aid Update, and I apologize (it's too laaaaate (8) ). But we were sorta kicked out of our usual dwelling, in which the computers reside. The people who are t00 sl0w to finish their SOLs in time got sent there instead. But ah well, I got some AP STATs done in the meantime (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh). Btw, have I ever said how much I hate AP Stats on here? Cause I really do. It's probably the second most hated class for me, narowlly beaten out by AP Lang. I swear these classes will be the death of me before I even get to graduate.
So hmmm, today was pretty fun. I went to school like usual, but the effed up schedules put us in 2 hours of first block. Now that probably doesn't sound that great, but that meant 2 hours of AP Latin, which I actually happen to really enjoy. If not by now, you will probably start to notice that I kinda get nerdy about langauges...iono I just really have a passion for attempting to understand them (what a huge turnoff LOL). But yeah it was fun. Our class is pretty cool, and my teacher, Mrs. Kliper, is probably the best teacher I've ever had (thank you for the college recs ^^!!!). We talked about how there are mythological themes in modern day culture....weird right? I'll spare you the details, even though I find them sickeningly fascinating (Holy shit I can't believe I'm writing this LOLOL), but essentially we connected themes from Vergil's Aeneid to Batman. Yup..
Oh what else. Well in PEER, we did puppets today (kekekeke). I'm pretty good at puppets, surprisingly enough. Seriously, we are creating scripts about all this cute stuff like friendship and whatnot, so we can do puppet shows for the elementary school kids across the street. When we're done with that though, we do improve style puppeteering. LOOOOOOL. I swear we have some of the funniest people in our class. I'm just freaking weird, and there are some people who I swear have an intelligence and wit that is God-given and hysterical. I wanna piss my pants every time we do this LOL. I don't wanna tell any stories about it because it will just make the whole thing look ridiculous and not funny, but take my word for it. Just imagine a crab with a French accent (You just said you wouldn't talk about it and you really are ruining it...).
Hmmm, so yeah then the next period I had...AP Stats. EXCEPT THERE WAS A SUB. YESSS. Not just any sub though; it was Mrs. Dennington. She really doesn't care what you do and is notorious for being one of the most desired subs in the school. She let's you listen to your iPod and everything, SO COOL. So yeah that class was pretty chill.
Then I went home with that chigger shit. I don't think I need to list any names LOOL. We went to the gym YAAAHH!! It was pretty good though, I think I'm improving. I was on a roll though, when the most ridiculous thing happened...
Some freaking blonde short ass 4 foot 2 punk walks into the gym with his MOM. Well normally this wouldn't be a problem; it might be a little awkward, but not really a problem. Except...the gym's equiptment is those kinds where all the workouts are sort of combined into just like two machines. So the benching and the curling machine are located on the same unit. Well I just finished a set, and I just adjusted the weight. Then, this kid just slams the door open and sits down to do bench press. THIS FREAKING MIDGET JUST GOES AND TAKES THE DAMN MACHINE. AND HIS MOM WATCHES @Q!^!$&!@#$@#$*&@. WTF.
But I'm too nice (and secretly lazy) to say anything, so I just walk out. God...the only thing that pisses me off more than rude kids is rude parents. So freaking bm. OomPaLoompA[bm].
This is not the worst of it though....more gg is to come.
So we're walking home, and it had just recently rained right? Well, we come to a HUGE wet spot. Jay and I were obviously too lazy to go out of our way and walk alllll the way around it, so we decided to jump over.
Remember how there is a white limitation for playing sc? Well...idk if you know...but there's one for jumping too.
Jay's black, so his shoes grow wings (so fresh..LOLOL jk), and he glides across. Then it's my turn. I yell:
"OMG LOLOL I THINK MY SHOES GONNA FALL OFF."
Jay just gave me this look like *lolol u shit juss jump over iss not that far*.
Well...I jump, and my fooot goes SQUISHHHHHHHHHHHSPLAT into the mud. The shoe's momentum quickly and clearly halted, while my body continues to accelerate forward...
Yeah....my foot slipped right out, leaving my shoe cemeted clearly into the mud.
Yeah, it was epik fail. Holay shiet. It was freakin hilarious though hahahaha. I'm pretty sure this will be a much harsher account of this story on that chigger's blog though.
Ahhhh what else. Oh yeah, well yesterday was pretty interesting. My friend Juho and I just randomly broke out into AIM Korean conversation. It was pretty funny/cool/motivational/yeah. It was funny cause I was actually talking, and understanding like 99% of the stuff he said. It was cool for the same reasons...I was conversing in another language O_O. And it was motivational because, even though I know there is a lot left that I need to learn, I really am getting better. I hope that by this summer I'll be a lot more capable of the langauge!! 화이팅!
Anyhooo, that's about it. Not much else has been going on. I just finished eating some olive garden that my mom brought home though, mmmmmm. But yeah, that's it for now. laterssss.
jaawshh
Monday, March 1, 2010
It's been a while
Gahhh I haven't updated in quite a while. Not like I'm apologizing to many people though because there are only a few of you who are dedicated or bored enough to read this LOL. But anyway, I feel like it's about time I add something new here (And also I'm just really bored in guidance...).
Hmm, well as for updates, there's not that much going on. I'm still hating on school. I hate being here, really. The only bearable days are B days, but that's because half of my classes aren't really classes. A days suck so hard. Three APs in a row, then physics. FML. But ah well, at least the year is more than half way over. I suppose that's the bright side to everything.
But enough of the whining (for now.).
Church was rather interesting this Sunday. I sorta like to think that God reads my blog too, cause it seemed like we were having a long-distance conversation. In my most recent post, I basically left off saying that, whatever I do, I'm gonna do it with purpose. My issue though was not really knowing what that "thing" is. Kinda like a "what is my purpose" sort of deal, though on a slightly lesser scale.
Anyhoo, at church Pastor Brad basically explained to me what I need to do. The weird thing is that it wasn't a conversation between him and I, but it was just a sermon; just a normal day at church. I've had experiences like this before, when it really seemed like some issue I was dealing with or whatever was being put up on stage, but the fact that I actually blogged about it and then saw some kind of response is pretty cool.
In short, the message basically said "we're asking the wrong kinds of questions." At least for me, I'm always wondering "What am I supposed to do?" or maybe "What is God's plan for me?" Normal questions right? Like everyone seems to want to have this greater purpose. No one wants to just coast through life and then look back at it and see every single day wasted; each second as lifeless. It's seemingly logical to think that this is just a part of the human condition--that people, whether it be in a religious context or not, desire some sort of meaning.
But I saw that these aren't really the right kinds of things to ask. Rather than saying, "God, what is your plan for me?" I should ask, "God, what is your plan for this world, and how can I be a part of it?" Basically, the mindset of the first question supposes that God is only about me; that only my relationship with him matters. And it does, but it's not the only thing that He's concerned with. There are billions of people in the world, each with their own lives, problems, and struggles. Who am I to behave like I am the only one?
The second question is more aligned with God. My focus shouldn't be on, "What's God's purpose for me?" but rather, "How can I help?" We all are a part of some cosmic plan, no doubt. If we are all weaved into this plan for the universe, then shouldn't my place it in be the same as yours? Why do I need my own singular "plan", when there is something greater already waiting for me to jump in? If I can perceive God's work around me, then my purpose should be to further advance it.
Now, I have a lot more answers, but still some lingering questions. I know what I should be asking now. I just need to realize God's work in the place around me. But with the right questions, you will always find your answer.
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Yeah so sorry for the serious blogs lately. I guess this just reflects my contemplative mood. That, and there really hasn't been that much to say. But hopefully I get some more light-hearted stuff up here soon. But until then, gewd byeeeeee.
jaawshh
Anyhoo, at church Pastor Brad basically explained to me what I need to do. The weird thing is that it wasn't a conversation between him and I, but it was just a sermon; just a normal day at church. I've had experiences like this before, when it really seemed like some issue I was dealing with or whatever was being put up on stage, but the fact that I actually blogged about it and then saw some kind of response is pretty cool.
In short, the message basically said "we're asking the wrong kinds of questions." At least for me, I'm always wondering "What am I supposed to do?" or maybe "What is God's plan for me?" Normal questions right? Like everyone seems to want to have this greater purpose. No one wants to just coast through life and then look back at it and see every single day wasted; each second as lifeless. It's seemingly logical to think that this is just a part of the human condition--that people, whether it be in a religious context or not, desire some sort of meaning.
But I saw that these aren't really the right kinds of things to ask. Rather than saying, "God, what is your plan for me?" I should ask, "God, what is your plan for this world, and how can I be a part of it?" Basically, the mindset of the first question supposes that God is only about me; that only my relationship with him matters. And it does, but it's not the only thing that He's concerned with. There are billions of people in the world, each with their own lives, problems, and struggles. Who am I to behave like I am the only one?
The second question is more aligned with God. My focus shouldn't be on, "What's God's purpose for me?" but rather, "How can I help?" We all are a part of some cosmic plan, no doubt. If we are all weaved into this plan for the universe, then shouldn't my place it in be the same as yours? Why do I need my own singular "plan", when there is something greater already waiting for me to jump in? If I can perceive God's work around me, then my purpose should be to further advance it.
Now, I have a lot more answers, but still some lingering questions. I know what I should be asking now. I just need to realize God's work in the place around me. But with the right questions, you will always find your answer.
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Yeah so sorry for the serious blogs lately. I guess this just reflects my contemplative mood. That, and there really hasn't been that much to say. But hopefully I get some more light-hearted stuff up here soon. But until then, gewd byeeeeee.
jaawshh
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